i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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