Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
