Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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