sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
