just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
