dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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