UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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