You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
