It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
