phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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