i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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