Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
