first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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