I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
