I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
