Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
