i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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