i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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