remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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