break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize