I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
