I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
