HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
