so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
