By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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