Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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