Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
