I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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