You surviving the open bar?
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I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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