Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
