Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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