You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
