she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
