I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
