so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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