He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
