is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
