i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
