Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
