I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
