just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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