I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
