That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize