I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
