I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
