The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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