i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
