Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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