no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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