Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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