history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
