i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
