dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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