the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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