I wannas sexs uuuuu
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
