Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
