Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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