well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
