i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
babies were throwing up all over the place
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
