Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
