the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
