I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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