I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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