I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
