Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
