Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
