And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
