i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
