yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
