I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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