You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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