He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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