I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How does it feel to date your dad?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
