I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
