Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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