Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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