I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize