Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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