the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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