Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Semen is not good for contacts.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
