their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
