Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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