how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
