Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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