so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
