i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize