I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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