Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
