no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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