ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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