Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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