Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
