She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
