Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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