that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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