Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
