why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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