So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
