he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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