isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
