Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
