His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
