Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
