Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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